Lay report: Let’s start the blog with a bang

No dicking around here.

I met this girl a few weeks ago at a bar, I was doing my usual modus operandi for night time environments. Scope the place out for my favourite 4/5 girls, hit on them and see how it goes. This of course has varying success but I play to win. After getting shot down by the first two girls, this girl Adele was standing in a group with her friends looking quite shy. Aesthetically she looked my type, brunette, tall, slim with big boobs.

I approach her and tell her that I thought she looked cute, she’s into it. Within half a minute I walk her away from her friends towards the bar where we chat for a bit. She’s Austrian but speaks English well and is well spoken. Thank god I’m not talking to a female Arnie.  It’s going well and I awkwardly try to kiss her, I have no idea why I actually did it, I didn’t need to because I knew she liked me. She turned her head and said no and I laughed it off. During all this my friend is milling around making a nuisance of himself and generally getting in the way, so I get her number and arrange a date for another time there and then.

We arrange to meet at Waterloo station, I tell her to meet me outside the bookshop and as I’m walking over to her, I crack a smile. She looks fucking hot, definitely better than I remember from the week before and she stands well out in the crowd. We go for a few drinks, bar hop etc and I work out what she’s all about. She’s from a small town in Austria, really family orientated and not generally bothered about men. She’s more than content with her work as a school teacher and baking. At one point I decide I want to kiss her and I get a peck, she likes me though I can smell it. I put it down to nerves and inexperience. I end the date soon after and work out if it’s worth pursuing.

We text a few times more and I deem it’s worth meeting her again, she’s pretty busy though, work is an absolute priority with this one and week night dates are out. For our second date, I thought I’d soften her a bit and take her to some of my favourite places in London. This time she kisses me properly, I was right, it was probably just nerves. She tells me that she’s never had a proper boyfriend, which actually doesn’t surprise me. I cut the date short because I was out the night before and I knew I wasn’t going to sleep with her that night anyway. I get home and message my friend telling him that I’m pretty sure that she’s a virgin, he doesn’t agree stating that “girls that look like that aren’t virgins at 22.”

So here we are at the third meet up, she’s standing there with a fucking birthday cake in her hands. I shit you not and I’m looking around for the prankster because I wasn’t expecting that. I greet her with a kiss and tell her that she really shouldn’t have but she baked it the night before, she had it all planned out. We walk to a nearby park where she pulls out, a knife, a couple of forks and napkins. I can’t help but smile, it was at this moment I remembered why I never want a girlfriend…I don’t bloody need one! She tries to pull out some candles but I tell her that’s one step too far but we enjoy the cake and people watch for a while. Here’s where London’s shitty weather actually done me a favour, it starts to piss it down and we’re outside with 3/4 of a cake and no where to go so I suggest that we head to her place. I can see the cogs going in her head but as soon as I see some tacit agreement, I take her by the hand walk her towards the station.

We get to hers and no one is home, we eat more cake(I promise myself to work it off later) and go to her room to watch a movie. From there it was rather simple, the only resistance I get is when I put my hand down her knickers and she stopped me to tell me that she was inexperienced. I ignored it but later on she told me that this was the third time that she had had sex. I fucked her well. Lucky girl. It was late by the time I was done and I didn’t fancy the uber ride home across town. She clung onto me all night. I get a strong feeling that this girl has already fallen quite hard. On the train home I think to myself, it’s always the innocent ones who fall for the bad boy…

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